Newly engaged couples are rarely thinking about why infidelity occurs in a marriage. “For better or for worse” is a phrase that’s easy to say, but difficult to live through. Mostly because every marriage is different.
Most of us think “for worse” means financial struggles, illness, accident, or other external factors. What we don’t realize is many other problems can create challenges in a relationship:
Any of these stressors can create barriers to intimacy. They cause us to lash out at our spouses. They make us want to shut down from each other. Worse–it may cause us to reach out to others outside our marriages, for support and comfort.
Many of us are under the impression that infidelity is caused by temptation. FALSE! Infidelity counseling can help you understand how and why we allow temptation to occur. Accountability and responsibility are essential in the survival of an emotional or physical affair.
Growing apart is the single most important reason why infidelity occurs. It really is true that it is lonelier to be badly married than alone. A silent, non-responsive partner reminds us of how alone we truly are. Eventually, we feel unlovable. That vulnerability is fertile ground for an affair.
If you’re the one who’s been cheated on, your first instinct may be to blame your spouse. It may be to blame yourself. Marriage is a team of two and it will take both of you to recover from unfaithfulness and betrayal. If your spouse has been disloyal, it is not your fault. Blame and fault are useless words, as long as there is accountability and remorse.
Understanding exactly why infidelity occurs, specific to your relationship, will help you restore your long-term history. If you’re both willing to work at rebuilding trust and truthfulness, you can and will eventually move toward forgiveness.
Let’s talk about how to restore your relationship today. Call me at 203.226.8800 or click here to start the trust building process.