You Might Not Know that your spouse is having an Extramarital Affair.
People decide to have an extramarital affair more than you might think, and it could be happening in your relationship right now. In the United States, more than 60% of all marriages are, at some time, impacted by an act of unfaithfulness. Some are discovered and some are not.
Remarkably, most couples survive infidelity. It takes a mutual commitment to the relationship and a total dedication to each other; and it takes a lot of work. Once trust has been broken by the extramarital affair, it takes time to be even partially mended. Trust can only be restored with truthfulness and time. It also takes a lot of patience. The relationship, even with a good marriage counselor, will not be rebuilt overnight. Infidelity cuts deep.
People choose to have an extramarital affair for a variety of reasons. Some people start a new relationship because it makes them feel young again. Additionally, there are many married people who have poor or infrequent sex with their spouses. Others seek variety or excitement. Some people stop loving their partners and long to fall in love again. A small percentage of people have an outside relationship, unconsciously or not, to dissolve the marriage or relationship. No one ever expects they will be found out. Marriage is hard work, and some people want to escape into a lighthearted affair that is fun and carries no responsibilities. Many want a new sexual experience – they want to feel that they are still attractive to others. Lastly, everyone has a desire to satisfy his or her 14 Emotional Needs, (a topic that will be discussed in a later blog).
Each person must always be accountable for his or her own choices. However, marriage counseling usually uncovers an underlying dissatisfaction or unhappiness that can be corrected if both partners are willing to assume responsibility for the shortcomings and disappointments of their marriage, and if the person who had the extramarital affair takes all the necessary steps I recommend to effect real change.
Lisa Ryan LPC is a marriage counselor and infidelity specialist, in private practice in Westport, who provides help to residents of Weston, Darien, Norwalk, New Canaan, Wilton and Fairfield.
