I receive a lot of phone calls from women who ask, “Is my husband cheating on me?” It breaks my heart each time I hear the worry and the hurt on the other end of the line. If you feel that you have grown apart, that work and family have made your marriage come second or worse, get to a marriage counselor as soon as possible.

There are two ways that your husband may be being unfaithful to you. He could be having an affair with one person with whom he has established a reasonably meaningful relationship. The other possibility is that he has contact with multiple people in a variety of ways, especially through the internet.

Men have explained to me that they cheat on their spouses for a number of different reasons. The primary reason is that they feel they are no longer a priority to their wife so they seek other ways to feel significant again. They report that they feel marginalized and unappreciated. Many men feel erased by the focus that has been placed on their own children at the expense of their marriage. A husband cheating on his wife will often say that their sex life with their wife is gone. They tire of rejection and even feel wearied by always being the one who has to initiate.

Many women ask me if the act of their husband cheating on them is their fault. The answer is no. Your spouse could have talked to you about his concerns, his loneliness and frustration, or he could have insisted you go to marriage counseling. You are not to blame for your husband cheating on you, but you both have to take responsibility to get your marriage back on track quickly.

Sit down with your husband and have a serious talk about the quality of your marriage. And get some help.