Dating after divorce is like going to a doctor’s appointment. You know it’s in your best interest, but you sure aren’t looking forward to it. There are a number of things, ladies, you may want to look out for so that you don’t waste a lot of time on the wrong guy. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Don’t try to squeeze your foot into a great shoe which you know is going to torture you. Hold out for a great fit!
Do your best to avoid the man with rage inside! If he is furious with his ex-wife, he may project that onto you. After all, you are an ex-wife too. I’m sure you can think of better ways to spend your time than listening to how unfair life has been to him, the cost of his attorney’s fees, and the legal larceny committed by his former wife.
Watch out for the guy who thinks that two drinks before lunch is perfectly normal. He has talked himself into it in order to feel comfortable with himself. Because you tend to think maybe you’re wrong all the time and that maybe it is normal because he says it is, think again. If a person’s drinking gives you enough pause that you would not choose them to drive your kids to after-school activities, then make a better decision for yourself too.
This is the kind of date that makes you feel like he’s grading you. Worse, he gives you the impression that no matter what you do or say, no matter who you are, you’re always going to get a B. This kind of man may have one of two things going on. He is either commitment phobic so he is frantically looking for reasons why you will never do, or he is still in love with his former wife and is comparing you constantly. No need to take the time to figure out which of the two is going on for him. Suggest a good therapist and be on your way.
This is the person who just happens to be in the lavatory when the check arrives. Always. If a great guy wants to take you out on a date, let him pick up the tab. It has nothing to do with money; he can pack a lunch and take you to the beach. It has to do with finding a man who wants to feel like one. And let me take the time to remind you that being a female taker is also a drag. Initiate, make the next plan, pull your weight. But don’t ever pull his as well.
Does he have to be home by 11 pm? Is he checking his phone all the time? Are his eyes darting around in public to see if he knows anyone? Can he never answer an evening text message? Tell him to give his wife your best and move on.
Don’t get discouraged and do not give up. You will find the right man. Great people are out there. I know, because I have met so many. There are guys out there who are genuine and honest, warm and giving, and smart and funny. There are guys out there who will make you feel like your life has a new beginning. So do your best to stay away from dating a guy that you know can’t change. Keep your time open for the guy that’s the perfect fit.