Help Your Wife Recover From Infidelity

If your wife has recently found out that you have been unfaithful to her, the largest and most profound issue that needs to be resolved is broken trust. Stop for a moment and put yourself in her shoes. She may feel like she married a stranger. She may feel that she does not know who you are any longer. I have been helping couples restore their marriages after someone has made a mistake for many years, and I can tell you that the most important thing you can do to save your marriage is to be truthful. The best way to help your wife recover from infidelity is to be honest with her.

Answer Her Questions

There are many things she might ask which you’d prefer not to answer. It is critical that you do not lie. If you must, plead the fifth, but never again lie to her. Try to answer every question as best you can but should she ask a question that you are afraid to answer simply state, “I’m afraid to answer that right now.” You might also say something like, “I will tell you in time but right now I feel too much shame.” Try your best to never answer a question with too much detail. Details can create pictures in her mind and pictures can become embedded. So give her a summary – no details.

Be Patient – Help Your Wife Recover From Infidelity

You may find that your wife asks you the same questions repeatedly. She will do that for two reasons. The first reason is to listen for inconsistencies. The second reason is to help her break through her own shock. Asking the same questions over and over again well help her absorb what has happened. Though I know it is difficult, always sit down and listen to her questions, and answer them over and over again. Try very hard not to become angry or short tempered. Repeated questioning is part of the process of her recovery from infidelity. Her questions are also opportunities for you to be truthful. The painful truth is the only thing that will help your wife regain trust in you. Your anger or irritation could be interpreted as avoidance or deception. The more painful the truth is for you to tell, the more likely she is to believe you.


Offering solid proof that the affair is over, along with a heartfelt apology, will go a long way to help your wife recover from infidelity. If she perceives a prolonged absence of remorse, it will be virtually impossible for her to allow herself to forgive you.

And remember to give yourself a break. The nicest guys in the world make the same mistake you did.

Lisa Ryan, LPC
Lisa Ryan, LPC
Relationship Expert - Infidelity Specialist - Guest Speaker ~ Loves the big blue sea, homely dogs, the unvarnished truth, and making people feel better. As an Infidelity Specialist in CT since 2002, Lisa continues to retain fairness, an enormous empathy for all clients and a desire to forge a positive outcome, with a commitment that matches that of the clients themselves. She helps couples rebuild their relationships after the discovery of an extramarital affair, a secret relationship or a technology addiction that breaches trust. She guides her clients through a 5-pronged solution-driven plan, designed by her, which has a success rate near 95%. Clients attribute their achievement to Lisa’s non-judgmental approach and genuine understanding of the unique anguish experienced by both parties when trust has been broken.

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