Don’t Panic

If you would like to know how to stop a divorce, the first thing you must decide to do is stay calm. Do not panic. Getting a divorce is a process which takes quite a bit of time. In the state of Connecticut, it takes a minimum of four to five months. Some divorces, contentious ones, can take years and years. I do, however, understand your fear and heartache. While it takes two to become married, it only takes one to become divorced. For the purposes of this article, let’s assume that your spouse is not leaving you for someone else.

Slow the Process Down

It is never a good idea to try to change the mind of your spouse. One reason that he or she wants to leave you may be because you have been perceived as a person who makes unilateral decisions, is controlling or critical, and does not care about their desires or opinions. The answer is to find out why your spouse wants to leave you. Ask. Don’t argue. Don’t get defensive. Respect the wishes of your spouse completely, and ask for three months of marriage counseling to confirm that this is not a mistake. If a lawyer has already been retained, ask your spouse to temporarily place the case on “Reconciliation.”

Reconciliation Status

Any filing for a disillusion of marriage can be put on pause. It can be lifted at any time to continue with the process. Many people are under the impression that if they place their case on hold, they will have to start from scratch. That is not the case. Any worthy lawyer will respect a request for reconciliation, and will not try to talk their client out of trying to save their marriage.

Change Your Behavior

If you want to learn how stop a divorce, change your behavior. I know your spouse may have filed for a multitude of other reasons, but you have no control over those things. You do have control over what you say and what you do. Find out about those things about you which may have triggered your spouse to want a divorce. It’s likely you know already. Be accountable. Don’t get offended. Be humble and honest with yourself. And your spouse. Commit to effecting a permanent change. Underscore your efforts in letters if your spouse won’t talk with you about your marriage. And get counseling.

Counseling in Westport CT

With good marriage counseling, you may both learn how to become better at listening to each other. To engage with a person is something that many married couples have abandoned once children and professions take center stage. Find out, in counseling, the thoughts and feelings of your spouse and what led him or her to make this decision. Don’t sell or persuade. Accept their point of view. It’s respectful. You can have your point of view s well, of course, but trying to persuade your spouse to see things your way is a bad idea. Get good at listening.

If your spouse refuses to go to counseling, ask that you go together to learn how to create a different post-divorce relationship. It is a reasonable request and one that will benefit the entire family. If your spouse still says no to counseling, then come in by yourself. I have never met a person who was unable to describe to me, in great detail, what it is about them that has finally caused their spouse to pull the divorce trigger. I bet you know too.

God luck to you. I hope you are successful.


Lisa Ryan, LPC
Lisa Ryan, LPC
Relationship Expert - Infidelity Specialist - Guest Speaker ~ Loves the big blue sea, homely dogs, the unvarnished truth, and making people feel better. As an Infidelity Specialist in CT since 2002, Lisa continues to retain fairness, an enormous empathy for all clients and a desire to forge a positive outcome, with a commitment that matches that of the clients themselves. She helps couples rebuild their relationships after the discovery of an extramarital affair, a secret relationship or a technology addiction that breaches trust. She guides her clients through a 5-pronged solution-driven plan, designed by her, which has a success rate near 95%. Clients attribute their achievement to Lisa’s non-judgmental approach and genuine understanding of the unique anguish experienced by both parties when trust has been broken.

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