Verbal
Being heard correctly is a skill. Strong verbal communication skills are present in all great relationships. When people feel they have said the wrong thing, it is likely how they said it that caused the problem – not the topic itself. Effective communication is never present when someone is speaking in anger. Learn how to convey an idea in a way that does not hurt feelings, trigger defensiveness, or cause a person to counter-attack you.
Good verbal skills require a keen interest in listening at least half the time. It is essential to know how to let your partner know that you care enough to hear them and ask questions. Most of us think good verbal communication is learning to be understood, but it is just as important for a person to learn how to understand. Try to be an attentive listener.
Written
If you have something important to say and fear you might forget key points or perhaps be interrupted, it is sometimes helpful to put your thoughts and feelings on a page. You can send, hand-deliver, or read your written communication aloud. Having thoughts on a page also helps the receiver by giving them time to ponder what’s been written and perhaps read it repeatedly. Take time to write what you mean to say, and remember that the written word might be read repeatedly. Written communication can often be the better way to express your thoughts, whether through a lengthy explanation, a hand-written apology, or a tender “I love you.” Take extra care with texting; it has proven to be an effective way of being completely misunderstood.
Anger and How To Resolve Conflict
An argument occurs when two ideas are delivered simultaneously between two people, with no one listening. Conflict resolution is most easily reached when one idea is explored. Listening and trying to comprehend another person’s point of view does not necessarily mean you agree. It just means that you are courteous and open-minded. A person shows respect for their spouse when they listen. After the first idea has been delivered and understood, a second point of view deserves the same respect. Conflict resolution is achieved with good listening and summarization, asking appropriate questions to learn more about the point being discussed, and a belief that the other person has the same right to be heard as you do. Explore one person’s idea at a time, and you will have good conversation and strong communication.