Problems With In-Laws

The challenge for a couple to step away a bit from their families of origin, in order to create and establish the character and dynamics of their own family, is an age-old problem. Problems with in-laws often come with the territory of a new marriage.  It must be managed in a sensitive and delicate way, as it is so important that no one feels slighted or offended. Try to remember that it is hard for both sets of parents to see you and your spouse as anyone other than their son or daughter. They see your home as one of their added bedrooms!

Problems With In-Laws – Shifting Your Priorities

In you want a really terrific marriage, and who doesn’t, it’s imperative that you both put your marriage first. That means that your relationship trumps children (most difficult to comprehend), work, friends, hobbies and your families of origin. If you respect the privacy of the relationship that you have built together, then your in-laws will be able to feel it, which will make it easier for you to manage problems with in-laws. They will have a greater respect for your marriage. Each of you will take some of the characteristics from the family culture of your childhoods and incorporate them into your own new family culture. A hybrid. Do it with a united front. When you do it with sensitivity, problems with in-laws will rapidly diminish.

Problems With In-Laws – Boundaries With In-Laws

First, when you have problems with in-laws, discuss it with your spouse in a gentle and caring way. It is better for each of you to let your own parents in on the “new rules.” Tell them you wish that you had more time in the day to always be available for a surprise visit, but that you have to be very protective of your time together, your privacy, and the needs of your spouse. Problems with in-laws are often avoided by scheduling specific times for you to visit them and for them to visit you. A schedule implies that dropping by is not appreciated. Be sensitive, compromise, collaborate, but do not betray yourself. It will cause resentment and further problems with in-laws.

Problems With In-Laws – Boundaries With Your Spouse

You may find that it is difficult for your spouse to say no to Sunday dinner every week because it is expected. The holidays present another challenge for a couple to stake out their own territory and live their own lives in order to avoid problems with in-laws. If you have problems with your in-laws, discuss it with your spouse. Describe how you would like your family to look. And ask your partner how they envision how family time is spent.

Problems With In-Laws – What Not To Do

It’s important that you never speak poorly about your in-laws. Your spouse can complain about them, and likely will, but your job is to listen with compassion. You may find that if you try to pile a thing on to your spouse’s list of complaints, you may get a negative or defensive response. Never take the side of your parents against your spouse. You will never be heard if you do, and you will find it harder to resolve problems with in-laws. For me tips on how to express yourself widely, visit here.