Save a marriage? It’s like rowing a boat. It takes the work of two people, or soon you’ll find yourself just going around in circles. Marriage is a commitment made by two persons, so each of you better be willing to grab an oar. That’s how you save a marriage.
The vast majority of my couples therapy clients are willing to work really hard at creating a stronger and deeper relationship with one another. So the desire and motivation is there; they just don’t know how to move forward. But I do. I know how to save a marriage! 🙂
The most important tools in any marriage are words. That’s how to save a marriage. You must learn how to listen to what your spouse says without any defensiveness. Learn how to use words to express yourself with ownership, not criticism. Understand that two different points of view can comfortably co-exist in a relationship. It’s healthy, and it’s interesting. Want to save a marriage? Listen carefully.
How can you Save A Marriage? Put the marriage first. Put it ahead of your work, your cell phone, your kids, and your friends. Do errands together. Make love often. Initiate. Tell your partner you love them. Make plans. Do things together. If one of you is usually in control, or if one of you is passive, then create a true partnership.
I’m not sure why anyone would want to be married to a man that can’t see their value any longer. Who wants to save a marriage alone? It’s likely that you have a lot of qualities that are desirable, and admirable. If you don’t think so, then maybe you need to do a little personal work. Perhaps you really do need to make an effort. But perhaps your confidence needs a lift.
Why save a marriage if your husband wants out? Sometimes throughout the lifespan of a relationship, each person can go through a period when they want to be single again. Or they want to try something different before they run out of time. If that is what is happening with your husband, then stall like crazy. Do whatever you can to keep him in the house. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder, In this instance, it tends to be more Out of sight out of mind. Give him complete autonomy and independence. Do things that will make him want to come home. If he wants to file for divorce, ask him to wait six months. Stall. He might be really grateful to you in five years for standing by him when he was going through a period of tremendous struggle. That’s how to save a marriage.
Hang on at all times to your self-respect. If you feel you are compromising yourself too much, or if you know you just want to hang on to him because you are scared of facing your future alone, then let him go. Believe that the best is yet to come.
The real injury is not the unfaithfulness as much as it is the destruction of trust. Spouses who have been cheated on blame themselves for being so stupid. It’s a blow to the injured that is difficult for the injurer to truly comprehend. In order to save a marriage, you must understand how helpless your spouse feels. To save a marriage, he or she has to keep their imagination in check. Save a marriage by answering every question, and be accountable. You made a huge mistake. End it. Own it. Apologize. Then find a good marriage counselor who can help you rebuild trust. If you’re read this far then I’m sure you’re worth it.
Call me for my arsenal of ideas designed and tested over many years of being here to help people just like you.