Hope. It is one of the most important and invaluable things you will carry throughout your lifetime. Sometimes it is a light that burns so brightly it pierces the darkness and illuminates your way forward.

Like any eternal flame, it is both fragile and precious. It must be nourished, nurtured and protected at all costs. Here are 5 secrets to restoring your hope.

1. Believe Your Goals Are Attainable

You may forget to tend to hope during difficult times. It’s understandable and human. Know that your flame can weaken. It might seem to vanish altogether, but the embers are there, warm and waiting to be stoked.  

Tend to your fire of hope.

Developing a sound strategy and good tools for restoring and renewing your hope is critically important. Belief in the power of hope and the conviction of your dreams is also crucial.

You’re hope is not a question about If but more a question about When.

2. Self-Pity Extinguishes Your Hope

Your light and your life is inextricably bound to others. There is still too much you have yet to do in the time allotted to be hobbled by self-pity or give in to despair.

Life can be unfair. Dreams can be vanquished. You could feel all alone. The best way to stay miserable is to nurture your struggles with excuses. Instead, find your gratitude. It will fuel your desire to keep restoring your hope.

3. Identify What Makes You Feel Defeated ​

Verbal overcompensation is a red flag. If your partner denies an allegation with an overabundance of qualifiers such as “seriously,” “really,” or “honestly,” you should probably ask yourself who they’re trying to convince.

Likewise, if they go into finely tuned detail about where they were, what they were doing, and who they were with, they may be avoiding telling you the true story. Nobody wants to lie outright. A vague or partial truth is easier to remember. It is also easier to defend. Therefore, your partner may talk around the answer in order to avoid having to lie.

4. Finally, A Lie Has No Legs

Because a lie has nothing to support it, it will be unsustainable and can be easily recognized if you are willing to recognize that you are being lied to by someone you love and trust. 

Admitting that is sometimes the most challenging and important part of getting past the lie or moving on from the liar.

What to do if you suspect your partner is lying to you?

If you’re noticing signs that your partner or spouse may be lying to you, you’ll want to confront him.

However, try to avoid calling him out on the lie. Chances are, your partner is lying because he’s afraid you’re going to be mad at the true story. Try giving your spouse the option to come clean in a non-confrontational way. You might say, “I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me. Are you worried about how I’ll react to something? Let’s get it out into the open so that we can figure out a solution together.”

Lisa Ryan, LPC
Lisa Ryan, LPC
Relationship Expert - Infidelity Specialist - Guest Speaker ~ Loves the big blue sea, homely dogs, the unvarnished truth, and making people feel better. As an Infidelity Specialist in CT since 2002, Lisa continues to retain fairness, an enormous empathy for all clients and a desire to forge a positive outcome, with a commitment that matches that of the clients themselves. She helps couples rebuild their relationships after the discovery of an extramarital affair, a secret relationship or a technology addiction that breaches trust. She guides her clients through a 5-pronged solution-driven plan, designed by her, which has a success rate near 95%. Clients attribute their achievement to Lisa’s non-judgmental approach and genuine understanding of the unique anguish experienced by both parties when trust has been broken.

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