When you exchanged vows on your wedding day, I’m guessing it didn’t include the words ‘I’m going to settle for a lonely marriage.’ And you know what? You shouldn’t settle for it.

If you’re feeling lonely in your marriage and you are looking for help, I commend your fighting spirit. Recognizing that there is a problem and that you want to fix it is a step in the right direction.

Even though this is not an uncommon issue in marriages, it doesn’t make it right or acceptable to settle for being lonely and unhappy. You owe it to yourself and your husband to try and make it better. Because if you are feeling lonely, it’s more than likely he feels it too.

Feeling lonely in your marriage doesn’t mean your relationship is over or that you don’t love your partner. And if the love is still there, your marriage can be rejuvenated.

How Do You Recognize the Problem?

There are times when a problem is staring you in the face, and yet you don’t recognize it. For example, do you often sit through entire car rides or dinners without saying a word to your spouse? 

That’s an issue that may have developed over time and because of different circumstances, and yet this is where you find yourself.

The fact that you are reading this article is a good indication that you feel lonely in your marriage. And I’ve got news for you, so do most married couples at some point in their relationship.

Here are some more ways to recognize that you are feeling lonely in your marriage:

• Do you feel like you have lost your connection with your partner and you are living separate lives?
• Has there been little to no physical intimacy with your partner?
• Do you laugh and tease each other?
• Do you share your dreams, worries, and passions with your spouse?
• Are you and your partner living more like roommates than a married couple?
• Is one or both of you acting passive aggressive?
• Are you great parents to your kids, but you feel emotionally shut off from your spouse?  

Some Causes For Feeling Lonely in Your Marriage?

There are many culrpits to a lonely marriage, including:

Lack of Physical and Emotional Intimacy

You aren’t meeting your physical needs. This occurs when you feel disconnected from your partner and you aren’t having sex. It is an issue because sex and intimacy is an integral part of a fulfilling marriage.

You may also not be satisfying your emotional needs.  Relationships starts to fizzle out when you don’t talk about the things that worry you or really matter anymore. Even though you are civil or cordial to each other, you could be lacking the heartwarming connection your relationship requires. 

Learned Habits

You may not even realize you are doing anything wrong because this is how your parents acted while you were growing up. But that is a bad learned habit. Your parents may have lived like this but that doesn’t mean you have to. 

You didn’t sign up for your parent’s marriage and you don’t have to relive their mistakes. 

Busy Schedule with Kids and Family

Your kids and extended family take up your time and energy, and now there is little left for your partner. This is normal, especially when your kids are small, but it shouldn’t be the final word in your relationship.

Unresolved Conflict with Your Spouse

If there is unresolved conflict in your relationship, it can create a significant problem. The last thing you want to do is be lovey dovey with your partner if you are still pissed. The longer the issue goes without a resolution, the more resentment grows.

How Do You Turn Your Marriage Around?

The first step in taking the loneliness out of your marriage is to open up and talk about your feelings with your partner. Start communicating and don’t be afraid to show some vulnerability. The goal is not to accuse your partner of doing something wrong, but instead  express your for desire for a deeper and more fulfilling connection.  

If you feel like you are getting nowhere on your own, don’t give up! There are so many resources out there that can help. Couple’s counseling is also an excellent option. A trained counselor can help you rediscover the things that made you fall in love with your partner in the first place and sort out the issues that are creating a divide now.

One of my favorite resources for fighting loneliness in a relationship is the book, ‘The 5 love languages’ by Gary Chapman. He offers excellent advice on how to keep your relationship fresh and growing using five different ways of expressing and receiving love. 

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Marriages evolve. You start off in the honeymoon phase but after that has worn off the real work begins. it’s important to keep the spark alive in your marriage.  If you are feeling lonely, I encourage you to try everything you can to bring the joy back into your relationship.