Getting your heart stomped on by an unfaithful partner is devastating, and I know what it does to a person. I also know you need to hear this: It is not your fault, whatever crap excuse they give you. Repeat that to yourself, it is not your fault.

The truth is people cheat for a number of reasons and all of those reasons are inexcusable. It is a selfish choice if your partner decides to cheat on you. It strips away your love and leaves you wiped out and filled with shame, fear, and mistrust.

Understanding what causes cheating in a relationship won’t always help you feel less devastated but it’s important you know that the reason has less to do with you than you would think. Most often it comes down to your partner’s own insecurities.

People Cheat Because They Feel Underappreciated

I bet you feel overworked and unappreciated sometimes too, so I won’t blame you for rolling your eyes if your partner tells you that they cheated because they feeling underappreciated at home. If you believe it, you are being manipulated into thinking that you could have prevented it from happening, and that is simply not true. 

Being snappy with your partner is an easy rut to fall into when you have been in a relationship for a long time. But that doesn’t give them a free pass to cheat. Even in a faithful relationship, you will always have ups and downs. Working out those issues together is what marriage and long term relationships are all about. Cheating will only make it more difficult to move forward together.

They Are Having a Mid Life Crisis

Having a mid life crisis is no excuse for breaking your heart. Anyone who says so is just lying to you and themselves. 

A mid life crisis is a scary prospect but it’s not the end of the world. If your spouse wants to look and feel younger, cheating is not the answer. Especially when cheating on you will leave you reeling and heartbroken.

They Cheated on Accident

If your partner tells you that they cheated on accident, it doesn’t mean tripping and inadvertently having sex with someone else. Rather it means the relationship may have started out innocently enough but developed into something more.

Budding new friendships with the opposite sex can easily turn into sexual attraction and, in many cases, the temptation is too much. Instead of cheating, your partner should have sat you down and discussed their conflicted feelings with you. On the contrary, now you are left feeling like you aren’t enough.

They Are Seeking More Sex, Variety, or Something New

People need sex, I’ll give you that. But if your spouse tells you that they cheated to satisfy a need he isn’t getting at home, it is enough to make you crazy. 

Keeping a long term relationship fresh and exciting can be difficult, especially when you have kids, but you cannot live your life in fear that if things slow down in the bedroom that they will cheat on you again. That is not a relationship of trust and respect. 

Your Partner Feels Entitled

It is possible your partner may simply feel entitled and treats people like they are disposable. Unfortunately you live in a world filled with men and women who think just like that. 

If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who thinks the world only revolves around them and treats you like you are expendable, all I can say is run and save yourself.

You Are With a Chronic Cheater

Fidelity is a commitment that not everyone is capable of. That’s a tough pill to swallow but in some cases, people are just chronic cheaters.

You can try to work on it with your spouse in therapy but it’s possible it may never stop. The important thing to remember is that no matter what causes cheating in a relationship, it is not your fault.

I don’t know what happened, what causes cheating in a relationship is always different. All I can tell you is that you are not to blame. 

If you picked them out in the first place there is a good chance they are worth another shot. If it happens again, then let that be your clue that it is time to say goodbye.