Many of my female individual clients tell me they feel that their husbands are always angry or disappointed with them. It makes them feel like they’ve done something wrong. Some tell me it makes them feel like a child, like a daughter of their own husband, instead of an equal adult partner. Why is your husband always angry with you? He may not be angry with you, it may just feel that way, but he is likely angry about something. It could be that he is angry with himself.
I often say that we live in one of the most difficult parts of the country. At least it seems difficult on a marriage. Many of my male clients do the daily commute to New York on the train. It’s exhausting and it doesn’t leave much time to have a high quality of life. They get up at 5 o’clock in the morning, they come home at 8 o’clock at night, and they feel completely unappreciated. So they are angry. They are angry that they are trapped in their lifestyle. They are angry because they feel like they have no free time. They are angry because their office culture is often so cutthroat. Lastly, they are mad at themselves for choosing this lifestyle in which they now feel so totally trapped.
What they don’t understand is how their anger about their difficult lives impacts their wives. Many women report feeling guilty, yet they’re not sure what they should feel guilty about. It is hard to take good care of your relationship when you barely see each other throughout the week.
As a rule, my belief is that men like to have sex more frequently than women. Men in our area often feel that they would like to make love a lot more frequently than they currently do. Your husband could be angry with you because he feels rejected by you in the bedroom. Men resent feeling chronically rejected. They wish that their wives would initiate lovemaking far more often. They like to feel loved and desired as much as women do. The story that doesn’t get told, however, is that there is often very little time. Weekend sex feels more like an obligation than a desire to be with each other. What men often do not understand is that women need an emotional connection to want to make love. Anger is never something that creates a healthy emotional connection.
Men don’t always like to admit it but sometimes they feel unappreciated. If your husband is always angry with you, let him know how much you appreciate him. Tell him how lucky the kids are to have him for a father. Hearing someone say “thank you” can sometimes melt anger away, even when he was not angry with you in the first place.
Most men are under the impression that the lives of their stay-at-home wives are far easier than they really are. When they hear that a woman has a tennis lesson, some men forget all about the millions of things that magically get done at home. They underestimate the hard work it takes to raise a family, manage a home, and sometimes work a full-time job as well.
Some of the men I see as clients describe feeling trapped by the financial commitments of their lifestyles. They feel they have no option but to work until they drop. They resent not being able to have more free time. They feel cheated that they have not spent more good time their children. It would not surprise me if husband was always angry with you because he blamed you for his feelings of being enslaved to his job.
If it feels like your husband is always angry, ask him what is going on in his life. He may have no idea how he is projecting himself to you, or to everyone else for that matter. If he has a hard time communicating with you, then maybe it’s time for couples therapy. It is likely that you’re walking on eggshells if you feel that your husband is always angry with you, and that makes it virtually impossible to create a connection with him.